Archives for posts with tag: psychology

When you start seminal retention and go on the path of sexual cultivation, things change.  In the previous article, we looked at how to go about handling our powerful sexual desires.  No longer do we have to feel obliged to give into them with masturbation or intercourse.  It does not distract us.  The allure of the feminine no longer takes us away from out mission.

All of this happens within the first 3-7 days.

The next phase occurs during days 7-10.  It is a shift from the physical to the emotional.

For myself, I have noticed that I find the greatest emotional health when I have practiced for at least 10 days, reaching a powerful plateau at around day 30.  I have also noticed that following ejaculation, we lose all of the strength, we lose some of my spine.

In other words, when we ejaculate, men are more prone to displaying neediness, loneliness, victim mentality, freezing in the face of fear, and weak leadership.

On the other hand, when you develop our strength with seminal retention, you’ll grow in three main areas:

  1. The ability to stop everything and become centered.  What I consider a key skill in life.  When you are able to focus with definite precision.  Most of it becomes effortless.  The ability to get into the zone and become present and focused on what is in front of you.  Think about how much you have accomplished when in this state.  Think about all of the good things that have unfolded with women because she could sense this inside of you.
  2. The ability to dig deep and call on an extra 10% of sustainable emotional power.  Sometimes we have to dig deep and find that little big extra.  The challenge of competition and sport.  The killer instinct in our training.  The challenge of confronting real-life issues in our relationships.  The stamina to fuck a woman’s brains out.  Ejaculation makes our reserves feel empty.  When you retain your seed, the fuel in your fire will feel like it is overflowing.  With the right discipline, you can grind it out, harder, faster and longer.
  3. The strength to confront your weaknesses and vulnerabilities.  When we cannot look at ourselves in the mirror, we are living in a world of bullshit.  This is scary for us.  Often we feel ourselves in the verge of crumbling.  We build ourselves up, tell rich tales  to overcompensate to impress our friends.  We tell stories about ourselves to impress women.  Nobody is impressed.  They all see through it.  I believe that you strength as a man begins with your ability to confront your own weakness.  Confront his own bullshit.  When you find the strength of seminal retention, you build the support to hold the fort.  You can dip in and see what’s in there.  The thoughts of not-being-good-enough are no longer daunting for you.  Your fear of abandonment does not have to control you.  You have a place to retreat to, a place to come home to.  And that home is a place of emotional power and strength;  you alone built it.

Us men carry a secret.

Deep down we’re scared.

It’s a faint, niggling fear.  It happens every time we speak to a woman.  In particular, that powerful, sexually overwhelming woman.  You know the one.  The one with the poise, the swagger in her hips.  The one who can tear us apart with her brutal, destructive sexual force.  Her limbs, her beautiful red lips, and her penetrating eyes.  She is engorged with luscious, burning desire.

We fear that we will be devoured by her fiery essence.

That is the foundation of sexual cultivation.  It builds the centre of your masculine power.  With it, you can stand in your power, effortless, unmoving.  A strength that you know you should hold as a man.  The one that we all pose, that poise we pitch in overcompensation.  Yes, that visceral bastion of strength, the one you know she respects.

That is why we need to practice this.  As men.

A piece of a different nature.

As I write this, I am once again caught by the bug of chess.  The game of kings, as Andy Dufresne put it.  A hobby that I picked up as a young boy, it is something that I go back to every few months, sometimes obsessively.

Perhaps a perfect example of the how chess captures my imagination can be seen below.  A remarkable game played by the then-World Champion José Raúl Capablanca.  Even more incredible was that the Cuban played his opponent blindfolded.

Whilst us poor amateurs (like me) awkwardly struggle with the mechanics of the pieces, the greatest players maneuver in accordance to intuition.  Mastery in action.

Chess is known to attract the most unorthodox minds.  In addition to one David Esotica, Gary Kasparov, one of the greatest players of all time, wrote the book How Chess Imitates Life.  An intriguing idea aimed at a niche audience, the game is was not immune to the reach of philosophy.

But of course, you’re reading this for something a bit more fun, aren’t you?

How Chess Imitates Seduction

This beautiful scene from the 1968 film The Thomas Crown Affair is an elegant metaphor for the game of seduction.  I love its subtext.  Layers upon layers of meaning.  Ultimately, neither the game nor the seduction is at focus.  It is the tension, insinuation and anticipation.

It reminds me of a piece of advice when it came to seduction:  Never play chess games with women.  A man cannot match her social intelligence.   “Sex is woman’s secret”, as the Chinese sages used to say.

I believe this to be true.  I found it best to be completely, sometimes brutally, honest about my intentions, allowing the situations to unfold for themselves.  Throw out the games, the tactics and the techniques.

However, there have been times when my work has been accused of being just that: an unethical deluge of sexual manipulation.  I will admit that this has bothered me at times, not because it questions the validity of my writing, but rather my own integrity as a person and as a man.

I spent a few moments reflecting on what was actually taking place.  Evidently, such spartan and caustic accusations had more to do with the accusers themselves.  But what was it specifically that was erupting?

Roger Moore’s seminal work King Warrior Magician Lover gave me some of the insights I was looking for:

The Magician energy is the archetype of awareness and insight, primarily, but also of knowledge of anything that is not immediately apparent or nonsensical (p106).

Certainly, this energy, combined with the Lover archetype, was extremely useful in my life when it came to relationships and women.  After all, what is more nonsensical to my logic than female intuition?

Further reading revealed more:

Whenever we are detached, unrelated… whenever we use our knowledge as a weapon to belittle and controls others or to bolster our status or wealth at others’ expense, we are identified with the Shadow Magician as Manipulator.  We are doing black magic, damaging ourselves as well as [others] (p114-5).

Reading these words, I could see pieces of my own journey.  Certainly, when Diana came into my life, I was tempted with the riches of using her for own means.  Looking back, I judge that I’d conducted myself with integrity, and I am satisfied that this has continued with the fruition of Red Silk.  I suspect some of these biting criticisms have come from men and women  living under the shadow of wounded fathers.  I recognise the place where they speak from.

If I took the chance to reiterate my personal mission, with my writing and my work:

  • To create a space of safety and healing for women, through raw and wild relationships, orgasms and sex
  • To create a space of empowerment for men, through shadow, initiation and a focus on young intellectuals

My vision for Red Silk is to reinvent to connotations of seduction.  With the archetypes in mind, it is brutal and powerful, deeply compassionate, water-tight safe and charmingly intuitive.  Like a fabulous combination on the mental chess board, the maneuvers attack a woman’s weaknesses with overwhelming force; weaknesses that she has hidden deep inside, secretly craving for them to be torn apart.

But sometimes I still get it wrong:

So, I stumbled on this article.

A Beginner’s Guide to Anal Play

Fabulous piece.  Very instructive and covers all of the major practical points.  I wanted to expand on it, and go into the psychology of it.  When it comes to fucking a woman’s mind, there’s sex, then there’s anal sex.

So,  why anal sex?  It’s not designed for it, after all.

Quite simply, there are few things more powerful than fucking a woman up her ass.

Do it well.  Do it safely.  Fine the right mix of hardness and softness.

What you will find is that every that is already good in a relationship will be amplified.

Intimacy and Love

Intimacy and love with anal sex?  Yes, absolutely.  When it comes to her rear end, many woman are virgins.  So, it is absolutely important to take care of her.  Trust.  Gentleness.  Desire.  If it’s already there, great.  You’ll find a lot more of it now.

Pain and Pleasure

Try something for a moment.  Grab one of your thumbs with the other hand, and squeeze.  Hard.  Notice how it feels.  This is a good pain.  This is the kind pain we want, as opposed to, say, a papercut.  When it feels like this, your pain and pleasure comes together.  That is why those deep-tissue massages feel so fantastic.  You want her ass to feel the same:  sore and happy.

So, let’s just treat anal sex just like a really great massage.  Prepare her so that she gets used to touch.  Use lubricant so that everything flows freely.  If she feels pain, her muscles have stretched too quickly, or it is too rough.  Slow down, take your time and find your rhythm.

Soon enough, she’ll begin to feel a different pain.  A good pain.

Dominance and Surrender

Generally there are three kinds of sex:  deep and emotional; pure and immersive; hard and powerful.  Anal sex amplifies the third.  If a woman loves fuck-my-brains out sex, she is ready to be fucked up the ass.  It is a brutal way to penetrate a woman, and is only possible if she is willing to surrender.  Make her beg for it.  Make her say please.

Taboo and Risk

Let’s face it.  Anal sex is taboo.  Anal sex is risky.


Taking a sexual taboo – and breaking it – is for the bedroom.  When a woman is turned-on, she is a completely different person.  Fuck taboos.  If she is horny enough, she won’t care.

Sexual risk is also welcome, as long as it is managed.  With some precautions, safety will never be compromised.

Emotion and Fantasy

Anal sex can be deeply emotional.  Penetrating her in a way unlike any other.  It is something she has fantasised about.  She has watched porn-stars do it.  For a woman to want to get fucked up the ass, she must feel an immense level of intimacy, trust and safety.  It’s easy for her to relax in that space.

So, final thoughts.  Obviously, there is much more to anal sex than just this.  You’ll find out.  Get good lube, condoms, a buttplug and take a lot of time.  Anal sex is awesome.  If you remember that her sex is mental, it gets even better.