Aching

Can you feel her aching?  That is the question

when you rest your head on her beating flesh

thumping, churning, revolving inside itself

 

No, it is not her heartbeat

this is a deeper pain that throbs

Deeper inside

Dark blood flows here

And there is no organ

 

No flesh to touch

No light to illuminate

No sound to guide

 

This is the wave of a distant thunder

rising from the blackened depths

Only she can feel it,

sense it rise, crawl up the vines of a hidden realm;

And there is strikes her, sinks its nails into her spine.

There, do you see it?  Only her eyes will show it.

 

Can you feel her aching?  In the pits of her eyes

She will show it to you

A slow, lingering madness

Hidden with the grace of poise and posture.

She is skilled;

But she is always asking:

 

“Do you feel this pain?  My pain

Do you sense it

Do you feel it looming

Can you smell it when I am nearby?

 

“You think it pleasure

You think I am aroused

You think it is because of you

But it is not

 

“I was wet from the day I was born

From the day I opened my eyes

and the sun shone on my breasts

This is not you, this is me

 

“So my question is for you

Here, now.  Can you feel me aching?”

*********************

 

You have a way in, through her eyes

And into yourself.

Touch the void in your own heart

and let it collapse inside you

 

Touch your own dark self

and look at your grief in the eye.

It will guide you, strike you,

stab you and love you

 

And then you will see it there.  There!

The same claws sinking in.

You felt this since your birth,

since your mother bore you.

 

Remind yourself of your mortal flesh and blood

Of waxing and waning

Of eyes, tears, smiles and cum

And here, this, us, naked and alone

We give ourselves to this birthright.

 

Us we stand, as men

Grief our striking blow

To bring us through the righteous gates.

Grief and remorse:  what binds us, breaks us and makes us strong

 

Only with these spears will we learn to feel

Give her this gift

 

Do you feel her aching?

Say “Yes,

Here is my own blood,

Pierced where the blade caught me in life;

 

“Here is my own soul

So give me yours

Give me what burns, yields, and surrender

Your aching is what makes me strong.”